Nano Bites

Am I a "loser" if I don't get it written in 30 days?

I have been working on my novel for NaNoWriMo but I am so far behind, I don't see a possibility of catching up. I am not behind because I have not been writing. I am behind because I am THE Queen of Fixit.

The premise is fantastic, but the fact of the matter is that we don't all do things the same way. Some people love to write it all out and come back to fix it later. Others like to edit as they go. Some people develop characters on the fly, while others (myself included) prefer to let the characters tell them who they are and which way to go.

On November 1st, I was gung-ho. I was going to get a "winner's badge" and that is all there was to it. After one week, I was beating myself up for not being able to do it "right".

So... it may take me 60 to 90 days to get my novel finished. Will people whisper, "What a loser! It took her three months to write a book"? Two days ago I would have cared. Tonight, I am satisfied with my decision to stay dedicated -- no matter how long it takes.

Obviously NaNoWriMo is not the only reason I haven't been around. I have been extremely busy with my freelance work, taking my daughter to and from dance classes and avoiding the world for the rest of the time.

I hate the cold weather and it hasn't really yet begun. I'm getting chills just thinking about it!

An Ex-smoker's Vent

I am an ex-smoker. I stopped smoking in January and had one small slip in May. Otherwise, I have been free of cigarettes for seven months.

Did I say "free"? I am not free. I think about smoking several times a day. In fact, I am craving a cigarette right now. I can almost feel it between my fingers and taste the menthol tobacco in my mouth.

I want a cigarette so badly I am close to drooling.

I swear if I hear one more ex-smoker brag about how they don't even want a cigarette and haven't wanted one since the first month, I will slap them. I just know I will.

I swear if I have to listen to one more NON-smoker go on about smoking being bad for you and how it pollutes the environment and smells bad... I will KICK them. I just know I will.

I know it is bad for me. I know it is bad for the environment. I know stale cigarette smoke makes a horrible, nasty odor. I knew that when I was a smoker. 

Why do non-smokers seem to think smokers only smoke because they are uninformed? It is called ADDICTION, people! What is more, some smokers even LIKE to smoke. Still, they are addicted and all the knowledge in the world won't keep a smoker from wanting a cigarette.

I still want one. I hate WANTING one more than I hated being a smoker.

Don't get me wrong. I do believe the laws against smoking in public places and littering all over the place are justified. Smokers should not force their habit on other people.

If I had one I promise it would be outside somewhere far away from you and your children. I'd even snuff the butt and throw it away when I get back (I always did that, anyway).

That is, IF I had one.

But I don't.

And I won't.

This is STILL SO HARD!!!!